It's a problem of motivation

You know how they say that recognizing a problem is the first step toward solving it? Well, they never tell you that recognizing the problem can also lead you to just not care about it.

I know I've been dragging my feet about the essays for the Cali schools and Johns Hopkins. It's not that I don't want to go to these schools--in fact, they're at the top of my list. I think I just ran out of steam, oh say, somewhere at the end of July. I spent this weekend pretty much housebound, but not necessarily working on my essays, or not as much as I should. Hell, I was so bored/lazy, I didn't even get around to blogging about it. That and the fact that my computer was running virus scans for half of Saturday and most of the day yesterday.

Here's a quick rundown of how I spent my weekend:

Saturday morning: Woke up at 11 am, way later than I'd planned and after 12 hours of sleep because I took NyQuil the night before.

1 pm: Finished drafting a second "most rewarding experience" essay about some tutoring I'd done 7 years ago. My first version of this essay was about a project I'd worked on 2 years ago, but my sister said it sounded too much like I wanted to go into research and get a PhD. She said I should write a more "humanistic" essay conveying my desire to go into medicine. Whatever. I couldn't remember enough about the tutoring experience to make it sound convincing, so I scrapped it and went back to my first essay. I ended up tacking on a sentence about how the experience brought out my ability to do "hard work" in medical school or something to that effect.

2 pm: Ate lunch. Watched some Food Network and an episode of the Sopranos (Season 5).

>I didn't volunteer this week because I still had symptoms and they told me to stay home<

4 pm: Started working on the "area of interest in medicine" essay. I tried to discuss my interest in international health, but I wasn't really focused so I spent a lot of time writing & then scrapping what I'd wrote. I comforted myself with the observation that writing, like life, is a process of fits and starts.

6 - 7 pm: Debated where to eat dinner. Decided on some Panera-like place in East Windsor.

7:30 pm: After sandwiches @ the Atlanta Bread Company, we decided to go to the Thai place in the same strip mall for dessert. The Royal Orchid is under the same ownership as the Noodle House next to Emack & Bolio on Rt. 1 S in N. Brunswick. They had cool little fountains built into the wall above each booth, like the ones Jois & I saw @ Bed Bath & Beyond last year. I really did not need dessert at this point, but I got dragged along.

8:30 pm: Came back home w/major food coma. Picked up First Do No Harm by Lisa Belkin, a book about ethical dilemmas at a hospital in the Texas Medical Center, where I'm going in 2 weeks.

11 pm: I got sucked into the book. Took a shower and got ready for bed.

12 am: Finished book and went to sleep.

Sunday went at pretty much the same pace, except I didn't leave the house. There was a lot of munching and Sopranos-watching to break the monotony.

I think I might be getting my second wind. I have to keep telling myself that this is the hardest part, and after the next few weeks my life will be considerably easier, with just the interviews to worry about. Must ... stop ... the self ... pity ...